Richard Antony ⊱⊰•***•⊱Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ⊰•***•⊱⊰ Little

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THE PAIN IT TOOK TO STAY WAS GREATER THAN THE PAIN IT TOOK TO GO
ONE DAY WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE PAIN DARLING

THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS FOR ALL YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THROUGHOUT THE YEAR I TREASURE EVERYONE OF YOU XXXX


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MUM BARBARA,STEP DAD GORDON,BROTHER DERREN,STEP SISTER LISA,STEP BROTHER ANDY AND PARTNER NOREEN NIECE ELLIE,NEPHEWS CALLUM AND CONNOR

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A MOTHERS LOVE

I didn't have to look into your eyes
to fall in love with you,
I didn't have to hear you cry
to know you loved me too,
I didn't need to hold your hand
to cherish you always,
Within my womb we shared our hearts.

You touched my soul,
You sweetened my spirit,
You gave me memories i will always hold so very dear.

Yes my heart aches since you departed so soon,
But a mothers love does not end with death,
For you are my child,
Love you lots Rick xxxxx

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I'M SO LOST WITHOUT YOU
When you lose someone that you love,
The pain is hard to hide..
But when you lose a SON like mine, It breaks you up inside..
A smile can hide my sadness,
A tear can wipe away,
But the heartache of losing you Rick
Will never ever go away .......
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Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
unless you have lost your child too
Please dont tell me my heart will heal,
because that is just not true.
Please dont tell me my son is in a better place it is not true he should be here with me
dont tell me that someday i'll hear his voice and see his face,
beyond today I cannot see.
Dont tell me it's time to move on,
because I cannot.
Don't tell me to face the fact that he has gone,
because denial is somthing I cannot stop.
Don't tell to be thankful for the time I had
because I wanted more time.
Don't tell me when i'm my old self you will be glad
i'll never be as I was before.

What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
that you will listen when I talk of my son.
You can share with me my precious memories,
you can even cry with me for a while.
And please dont hesitate to say his name
because it is somthing I long to hear everyday.
Friend, please realise, I can never be the same,
but if you stand by me,
you may like the new person I become someday




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·My Son, My Love.In my heart you will live forever
In my mind you’ll always be
The special one I’ll love forever
My Richard who meant the world to me

My son my love I am missing you
But I know we’ll meet again we two
Eight years since you went to heaven above
So that’s where I’m sending all my love

The day will come I know not when
When we will be together again
This thought is what is getting me through
Knowing I’ll one day I'll be there with you.

Copyright© Ingrid Aspey 12/10/09


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Richard was my first and much wanted son born on September 30th 1967, the day that radio 1 started. I went into labour on the evening of Friday 29th and he came into the world at 10 minutes past midnight weighing in at 8lbs. 8ozs. I (like all women) remember the pain to this day but went ahead to give birth to his brother Derren, just over two years later.

Richard was a hyperactive and sensitive child which was not helped by his fathers general attitude towards him.He was such a bully and did somrthing far worse than I can say on here.

I did my best to encourage Richard in whatever he became interested in, first of all when he joined the cubs where he stayed for about two years and later in judo where he gained an orange belt.

At about eight years of age he started swimming and this became a real passion as he got better and better, eventually becoming good enough to win many medals swimming first of all for the Borough of Harrow then for the County of Middlesex.

I got very involved with it as well, as I was the one getting up early in the morning to drive him to the pool for training and taking him to various galas and events or at least to the coach or train station when he had to go with the team to tournaments further away. It was hard work but I was very proud of him and just happy to see him involved in something that he enjoyed so much.

He left school at the age of sixteen and trained as a baker which he thoroughly enjoyed despite having to start very early in the morning.

He was a great collector of videos and DVDs as well as CDs, particularly anything by his favourite band 'New Order' which went well with his other great passion, playing the drums,(the neighbours loved it really!!!).

He formed various bands playing locally right up until less than a year before he died.

When he was about 18 years old he developed the first signs of O.C.D. which caused him great distress. It seemed to get a bit better and he later met Jackie. They were very happy together finally getting married in 2000 when he was 33.

It was so good to see him so happy on his wedding day because we all hoped that it would help him to get over the O.C.D. which had returned a couple of years earlier, unfortunately this was not to be.

There were times when the real Richard still shone through showing the terrific and often zaney sense of humour that he had, with a gift for making people laugh.

The main problem with Richard's O.C.D. was the fact that it caused him to worry about everything, constantly needing reassurance but being unable to believe it when it was given.

Finally when Safeway stores (where he worked) were taken over by Morrisons he convinced himself that he was about to be made redundant, no matter how many times he was assured that this was not the case he refused to believe it.

Not long after this he walked out of the house and was found three days later having taken his own life in a derelict building less than a mile from where he lived.

He had been convinced that he had lost all his friends and had nothing left to live for. Over 200 people came to the service at the crematorium and many tears were shed that day proving too late that he was about as wrong as he could be.


God bless you Rick and I am sure you are at peace now.
I wish I could have given you a better life my darling son xxxxxx


The song is Blue Monday by New Order ( Richard's Favourite song )
The Lead singer took his own life

PLEASE LIGHT A CANDLE TO SHOW HIM YOU CARE

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Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours
and not expect to get over my child's death,
but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.

Just for today I will remember my child's life, not just his death,
and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days
and moments we shared.

Just for today I will forgive the people
who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to.
They truly did not know how.

Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little,
my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.

Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
for they are hurting too,
and perhaps we can help each other.

Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
I could of done to save my child from death,
I would have done it.

Just for today I will honour my child's memory
by doing something with another child
because I know that would make my own child proud.

Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship
to another bereaved parent
for I do know how they feel.

Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
and the only reason I hurt is because
I had the privilege of loving him so much

Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be who I am
and have had my child for as long as I did.

Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
for I know that I am not deserting him by living on.

Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did,
my life did go on,
and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.
by Penny Cartier -Melissa Cartier's mother